Song of the Car-Tire-Swan

I’m an icon of Australiana, more famous than the big banana, a monument on all the highways, I even snooze on forgotten byways.

So the revolution goes on and on, but not for me, I’m never gone. I’m just stuck here on these eternal verges, a prisoner of my carnal urges.

You see, I spied a girl swan down the lane, she looks quite pliable and not too plain. She could be a Bridgestone, Dunlop or better, if she was a Michelin I’d send a French letter.

I’d like to fertilize an egg in her 14 inch belly but with my kind of luck, we’d hatch a Pirelli. So here I loll in unrequited lust as deflated as the day my inner tube bust.

As for that 50’s wannabe, the plaster duck, us Latex brotherhood reckon they suck. If they were out here where the rain doth pelt, the chalky bastards would probably melt.

Not sure how I got into this situation, probably a case of over inflation, Guess I just happened to be down on my tread, back in the day when petrol had lead.

Thus we sit here like rubbery figures, impervious to the traveller’s sniggers. Inscrutable guardian of things kitsch and homely, never dull, but by God its lonely.

© 2006 Fred Olsen

A Harem? No way...

My friend, AV, from Brisbane has a visitor from Vietnam, a beautiful young woman named Lan. I asked how goes it? And he replied:

Lan is very quiet, I find it hard to know what she wants or how she feels. It is getting me ready for living with Asian women. They are different to western people in some ways. You probably guessed I have issues communicating with women as I am usually on a different wavelength. I also have issues communicating with men but they tend to be a bit more transparent.

Me: “Asian women??? Do you mean a harem???

I wouldn’t mind a harem but it probably is not worth the downside hassles. Maybe????I was thinking along the lines of serial relationships which are more the normal practice in western society and also as a generalization about a group sharing - hence the term used. I had not given it a lot of deep thought. I do value freedom a great deal. My life may not be great from everybody's point of view but I do have enormous freedom, freedom to me represents great and reasonable resources. I don't have to worry about living my life to keep someone else happy or to live by their judgments. I am a person who does not want much but freedom, different experiences and ideas. I also want to live in my perception of - in harmony with nature - whatever that is.

Contributed by AV

The Harem Servant by Paul-Desire Trouillebert 1874

Just Because I'm Blonde...

Dear Diary,

Last year I replaced all the windows in my house with the expensive double-pane energy efficient kind. This week, I got a call from the contractor who installed them. He was complaining that the work had been completed a whole year ago and I hadn't paid for them.

Hellloooo, just because I'm blonde doesn't mean I am automatically stupid. So I told him just what his fast talking sales guy had told ME last year ....namely, that in ONE YEAR these windows would pay for themselves!

Helllooooo? It's been a year! (I told him.) There was only silence at the other end of the line, so I finally just hung up...He didn't call back. Guess I won that stupid argument.

- Contributed by AV from Brisbane -